An Official Pardon From Hedgehog Heaven

Harold’s response to Confessions of a Cold-Blooded Hedgehog Murderer

For 9 months now, I have been lapping it up in Hedgehog Heaven….my life on earth cut short by the new occupiers of number 77, who innocently carved me up with their new flymo. I just wanted to let the culprit know that I forgive him, Im in a better place now. After all,  I was a lonely little fellow on earth and now I have loads of hedgehog mates.

It was a very quick end, I didn’t feel a thing, and there were left over biscuits with me in my bag for life,so I didn’t go hungry. When I stepped into the light, I was met by Miss. Tiggywinkle, and fed a feast of worms and snails…not that shite dog food that the Geezer-bird at number 78 kept subjecting me to.

As for the makeshift home that the toilet attendant built for me at number 76…it had a leaky roof, and I had to walk for miles to go to relieve myself, because if you shat on her lawn , she would post notes through the door of my human parents or send her son, the village idiot round to blame it on their cats.

So please don’t feel you have sent me to a better place. I am touched that you have remembered me and shared my story across the world. I was just a lonely little hedgehog…but I have seen how far across the world my story travelled in the 7 hours after posting and all the comments it received showing genuine concern for my welfare and all I can say is Thank you….

Oh….and…. Don’t Cry for me Argentina……..

Harold gets global coverage after 7 hours.


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9 thoughts on “An Official Pardon From Hedgehog Heaven

  1. Soul Gifts February 7, 2017 / 11:03 am

    Hmmm, it seems not all was rosy here on earth for Harold. I wonder how neighbours feel about about his comments …….


  2. Alana Mautone February 7, 2017 / 5:39 pm

    It’s not easy being a hedgehog. Although, personally, I don’t like them.


  3. Traci York February 14, 2017 / 1:28 pm

    That was wicked kind of Harold to give you such a heavenly pardon. 😀


  4. Elizabeth February 15, 2017 / 6:29 pm

    I’m suspicious. Harold seems a bit too ebullient for a hedgehog who was shredded by a lawn tool. Is it because he’s planned some horrific end for the person who sent him to the great beyond? How do we know Harold actually got to hedgehog heaven? We have only his word. Maybe Harold was part of hedgehog organized crime. He could have been a hithog! He may be lulling you into a false sense of security before the hogmafia shows up at your door.
    And in case you’re feeling absolved.


    • The Gay Stepdad February 15, 2017 / 7:26 pm

      I reckon he was part of the branch Davidians cult worshipping David Koresh… on a mini break from his suicide mission until he’d lived his life a bit 1st


      • Elizabeth February 16, 2017 / 4:44 pm

        Harold was an American hedgehog! Dear Lord! You may have started an international incident!


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