In my 37 (nearly 38) years on planet earth, I have learned some lessons that go some way to explaining the meaning of life. Here is one for every year….they are very deep and meaningful.
- Pigs definitely do fly….and they always end up sitting next to me on the plane.
- Always check for toilet paper before your cheeks touch the rim.
- Don’t leave loose change where your husband can find it.
- Never trust a fart.
- Don’t eat a hot curry the night before a long plane trip
- We spend one-seventh of our lives on Mondays, but we don’t need a Facebook reminder that it’s Monday tomorrow…we already know.
- If love is blind, then marriage is a real eye-opener.
- Thinking about joining a gym is not the same thing as actually joining one.
- Nothing is really worth fighting about…. not when you have a vicious tongue.
- Stop worrying. Worry does absolutely nothing productive. The more you worry, the more you reinforce the problem or concern in your brain.
- You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why the clocks go forward/back.
- The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
- There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 10.
- People who want to share their religious and political views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be: meetings.
- If I’d conceived a child on my first attempt at sex, that child would be 21 this year
- Never play Twister with a full bladder.
- Almost anything can be fixed with a Steps song!
- Some people only believe water is for drinking… the dirty smelly bastards.
- People with money will sometimes try and tell you what to do, but making daisy-chains costs nothing.
- Be very wary of people who use jargon, they are too stupid to use their own words.
- There are two types of people: those who work out and those who work.
- Hangovers will destroy you, and there is NO cure.
- Trust your own taste in music, movies and beer. Even though people will make fun of you for liking Steps… you still know how to ‘stomp’.
- ‘Those Crocs really suit you’….said nobody….. EVER!
- Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for an hour. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
- If you think you are too small to make a difference, try spending the night with a mosquito.
- Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not just surrounded by arseholes.
- Accept who you are. Unless you’re a complete twat.
- Life is tough; it’s tougher if you’re stupid.
- If someone ever asks you to do something for them, do it really badly so you never have to do it again.
- There will be no interesting people in heaven.
- Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- Never lick a steak knife.
- Taking a selfie with your starbucks cup is not cool.
- Never open an email from a Nigerian Prince that wants to give you all his money.
- If you post a picture of your beach holiday every 5 minutes, it means you’re not having fun.
If you like my blog, please get to know me better and visit my social media pages by clicking the links below
And you only keep Learning new lessons. The list grows and grows… !
LikeLike
You’re only 21 Ritu
LikeLike
In my dreams… yes. !!! 😉
LikeLike
LOVE these 🙂
LikeLike
important lessons lol
LikeLike
Haha these are important lessons. I started laughing at number 1 and really enjoyed all of them.
LikeLike
Thank you x
LikeLike
I laughed out loud at number 4 🙂
LikeLike
its true!…never trust
LikeLike
Haha….love the humor and sarcasm…..I no 1 I went oouuch!!!!
LikeLike
Thank you
LikeLike
Haha I 100% agree with no.15. F*ck meetings x
LikeLike
i know right?
LikeLike
the things we leaern in hindsight! AN yeah – #15 – should be outlawed!
LikeLike
They’re a complete waste of time
LikeLike
Just think how efficiency would go through the roof and work.would.get. done. if meetings were banned. Not to mention the cost benefits.
LikeLike
Haha, loved them all. Thanks for the giggle and the reminder that life is pretty deep and meaningful. x
LikeLike
This is important stuff!! haha
LikeLike
So hard to choise a fave fresh m this list (!) But I think it has to be: There will be no interesting people in heaven. Amen
LikeLike
Sorry for the typos! Meant ‘choose a fave from’. But you knew that. Oh, and the pigs on the plane? Excellent!
LikeLike
Ain’t that the truth!
LikeLike
I swear sometimes my kids were born to live #31 to its fullest! LOL! Great list, and happy almost birthday!
LikeLike
Loved this
LikeLike
Thank you 😊
LikeLike
Never play Twister on a full bladder deserves a MUCH higher level of prominence here, right? This feels like one of those Life Lessons that everybody should know.
LikeLike
Indeed it does ! Learnt that lesson
LikeLike
LOL! Loved these! Thanks for the chuckle! 🙂
LikeLike
Ha ha glad you enjoyed x
LikeLike
too funny 🙂
LikeLike
I mean seriously…I had to come back and read it again! LOL
LikeLike
Ha ha ha
LikeLike
Hilarious! A great read for Sunday morning!
LikeLike
Thank you, glad you enjoyed reading them as much as I laughed writing them.
LikeLike
These are hilarious!! Great post
LikeLike
Thanks, I chuckled writing it
LikeLike
Haha, love every one of these! Off to find my old Steps CDs now to brighten up my Sunday evening…
LikeLike
I’ve got one for 39. Dancing to the new Steps song in your Crocs is ALWAYS ALLOWED!
LikeLike
Good points well made! It made me think what I’d include on my list of 32 things….😊🤔
LikeLike
Strangely, I live #10. Once I stopped spinning doomsday scenarios in my head, I was able to finally relax.
And your last one – I find this kinda sad. Not that it’s not true, but because it IS. We’re moving into a time when bragging should be considered the official national sport.
LikeLike
Love!! #25 is THE best.
LikeLike
They should be banned forever !
LikeLike
Haha laughed all the way through these!! Really funny and relatable
LikeLike
Thank You 😊
LikeLike
Hahaha! These are hilarious! I’ve learned quite a few of them the hard way.. Not saying which ones.. 😀 Cheers!
LikeLike
I have to keep working on number 10!!! Thanks for sharing this list.
LikeLike
Haha. I loved this. Especially 31 and 33 🙈
LikeLike
#25… yes… I love my crocs which keep my heel pain free
#29… acceptance is something we struggle with all our lives
LikeLike
i still make a big deal about my birthday, with myself lol and I was 37 in January! oh my goodness no. 11 has always confused me ! ok so now its 9 oclock but we will just pretend it’s really 8 o cock for a bit until we decide its 9 o’clock again!
LikeLike
I know right? And it’s something to do with farmers?
LikeLike
Can I add one more? Never ever insert a screwdriver in your bellybutton, unless you really do want your bum to fall off!
Great list, Matt.
LikeLike
You speak with experience?
LikeLike
No, but I’ve heard the story. 😀
LikeLike
#4 is the best thing on the entire list.
LikeLike
Hahahaha #4 for the win!!!
Great list. Totally everything I think on a daily basis.
LikeLike
Laughing, but so many are true – especially #37. Must be a reason why I never post (well, almost never) vacation photos on Facebook. My blog now, that’s different.
LikeLike
#25..I HATE CROCS…Hate them…did I say I hate them???
LikeLike
Excellent advice! Especially number 33.. although I wouldn’t be opposed to hearing the story of how you learned that lesson!! Ha!
LikeLike
Very long story
LikeLike
When are you going to guest post on my blog? I LOVE your style! Please….*begging face* Am Lucy BTW
LikeLike
I would happily… just say the word and I’ll conjure something up!
LikeLike
You have made my day! Next weekend? I get good traffic Sunday or Monday? All I ask is a list post and a little bit of humour. Email me blondeusk@outlook.com – thx so much 🤗
LikeLike
Done !
LikeLike
The pigs really do fly one!!!!! BUAHAHAHAHA! Also, #15 is on point. I hate meetings. 100% of the time they can be emails. All of these are amazingly accurate!
LikeLike